A letter to my daughter.
For a long time daughter, I have not given you the privilege of starting this letter formally. The way it should be started, that’s with greetings. I know y doing this I risk being accused of unethical behaviour but I don’t give it a damn.
You see, I have started believing what uncle Charlie claimed the other day at a club meeting . That Pillow might be of the same raise with this WIKILEAKS guy, going by the way she has been behaving lately. Nowadays,every step I make towards home meets a fierce rebellion from my ego.
With excitement of loliondo, she ha reignited the herbalist spirit in her. it’s not uncommon to see queues of young lads and old hags taking concoction from Pillow. From what I have gathered via my intelligence service unit, The concoction-an extraction from a weed known as wanjiru kieni- is claimed to cure the younger flesh disease. This is no good news at all knowing what Pillow is capable of.
All of a sudden, I seem to have developed a magnetic effect that attracts all eyes. By extension, office lads have a new interest in me, something I have not failed to attribute on pillows udaku.
I hear she has deployed “undercover agents” to keep track of everything and everywhere I go. And even know whom I associate with.I even suspect she has planted a microchip in me that tacks everywhere I go to her favour.
In her pursuit to challenge my portability among simcards, Pillow has identified six suspected simcards that my portability has been toying with. Sad still, she has pointed out two simcards as prime suspects among the “portability six”.
There two cases against the prime suspects and 20 witnesses supporting the prosecution team. Rumours has it that Pillow’s legal team is in possession of assorted documents in form of sneaky and yummy snaps, romance letters and even video clips against them.
Eeh… LANGATA?…..I am not in the mood to kill your spirit with the KU CULTURE WEEK 2011 just around the corner. But for the purpose pf early preparation and caution, I must categorically state that you’re one of the two prime suspects. The other being my legged secretary, so unfair for her considering the venom like loathing I habour against her.
But what makes this case interesting and dreadful as far as am concerned, is the chamber members, legal officers and even her “detectives”.
Their CHAMA leader- a woman who has escaped my liking parameter for so long, much to my pleasure is the presiding judge on this case. Her legal team consist of reputable lawyers with a feminal cloke on their neck. It just escapes my reasoning circumference to expect any victory against this sought of people.
All said and done, this just highlights the extent to which Pillow can be dangerous. As you know my liking for you permits me to take the first opportunity and issue a STERN WARNING before things get out of hand.
I have come up with 5 precaution measures that I expect you’ll adhere to
- Emotion-Loaded Letters.
I must confess before this pen and paper that your letters have always rekindled my sweet youth feelings when I read them. But for your own good, I am proposing you start taking a business like approach towards the whole letter affair. I have also opened a new mail box with the name Rafaeli Onyango at a different county where I expect you to send(thinks….dumb) your letters. Or better still, you can give up the whole letter saga and wait till we meet- which is going to be limited-for any flavoured nonsense your pretty mind may have for me.
I find it necessary here, to screen(black list) your number on my private phone-which Pillow has been gaining interest on off-late.
As I informed you earlier, Pillow is tracking my movements. I am quite sure you won’t like news that KU and its environs has been identified as my temporal residence when I am not in Pillow’s arms.
I am therefore urging you not to expect me visit your room in Ngong hostels(KU) from now on. I will also not entertain any word that you’re seen anywhere near my work place.
- Relating with Empty Pockets.
“…somewhere in the bible. its written that whosever despiseth shall also be despised. I am not in anyway accusing you but toying with the idea of shifting the blame game. that this might as well be a way of proving them wrong. that you have an Empty Pocket of your own and therefore don’t need an old man of my caliber.
How about one from KU Christian union. I can also bet my last coin that your well humoured antics and the good dancing skills-I witnesses during inooro night the other day-can earn you a place in the creative ministries(perception)
Personally I am giving consideration the idea of accepting Jesus as my personal saviour. BYE
* * * * *
the club meeting is due for this weekend. And I am relishing the idea of rubbing shoulders with the might as we attempt kicking the golf ball amid little success. I will also use this platform to thank uncle Charlie for his brilliant brains. I will duly inform him that his idea of writing the above letter seems workable. Hopefully, that is if a stick to instruction-as he claimed- we might as well succeed in extraditing langata and uncle Charlie’s “daughter” to the jersey island united kingdom. this weekend make sure you paint the town and village all red. I am requesting all readers to read on my behalf Galatians 5:19. Junior said I must read it-which means was an order-but I am yet to purchase a bible.
Yours Romantic-Energetic-Ever loving
Kisima wa juzi