Category: Blessed hand


a certain man was fond of making funny jokes about kenya’s diversoty of tribes. one day he could be heard talking of “our innershore” brothers, the next day our valley brothers, sometimes men and qwomen from plateuas, highlands, lakeside, coastal and even arid people.
one statistical fact about the funnyman’s jokes, was his bias. he found amusemwent in the dirty things only. you could hear him talking about lou’s love for sex and burial cremonies, masaai’s love for blood and meat, kalenjin craving for war, meru’s temper, luyha’s fondness for ugali, chicken and sex, kikuyu’s extraordinary greed for material things and so on. though he had built a career out this , his humour attracted mixed feelings from the subjects.
the royals and extrimists hated him and his comics while the moderates loved him on equal measures.

on one unforgettable occasion he was summoned by the village elder for a number of reasons. the chief wanted to establish his bio data and also insisted he should apologize to the local community. the local people made a mistake to give his ‘light notes’ the seriousness they never deserved. he had claimed/or rather accused of claiming that women from the community of small men were so fond of maasai men athletic figures. this could have been forgiven had he not predicted a pre-death of the community as smaller men had also found refuge in their women. Nelson recalled wepkhulu’s jokes the other day after a chat with kamwaro and his sister juliet.their discussion………..

to be continued tommorow

Attraction

Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Image via Wikipedia

  • As I penned this letter the dazzling thoughts and threats issued by our local cleric threatened to spin off my mind from its orbit. They claim that love conquers all but I never believed this till I was proven wrong

    Hi my lovely pal. Are you still going on with your studies? Are you okay and healthy? Back here were fine. Our youth fellowship has grown tremendously in number, Beth has since been married to kipyego. Mwenda’s wedding is underway and Maggie’s courtship has been announced.
    Guyz here are trying hard to mend the potholes left on their faith
    Winnie has been querying me about you so much. While chatting she has been praising my ability to seduce even saints-you-by my charming tongue. Alarmingly she had even once sought the said security from me but I don’t want to repeat the same mistake.
    While chatting our minds once went wild and thought of match-mixing she once said that me and you can make great couples but……………
    Anyway am missing you here my friend. The devil that once possessed me has sometimes left me longing for the escapades that we once shared with you
    The purpose of jotting down this letter is to apologize to you, repent, seek forgiveness, reconcile and set up platonic friendship based on mutual respect. Its true I wronged you by flattering you my dear friend. What I said to you was not what I meant. It is sad that I never meant to love you but only attracted to. I was only attracted by you fine and perfect feminal curves and you gave in easily. I am sorry my dear friend
    You never seemed to realize that I only used flattering but touching words when I wanted you at my bed.
    I only treated you well because the holy book requires so. When I realized that our ‘love was merely seasonal I wanted to break the jinx but I had no moral fibber to do so. You portrayed the weakest part of a lady
    My sexual urge surpassed the mutual respect we had been advised by our cleric. Also you easily accepted my cheap nothings without a second thought you might have loved me yes, but I was only interested with what was between your legs. Forgive me for this and please accept reconciliation

    Perhaps winnie was right but its too early to conclude on anything. Although you loved me as your spouse and prepared for our life together in future my case was different darling. I love, adore and care for you as a friend but only attracted to you sexually.
    Undoubtedly your natural appeal is undisputable and striking, your beauty is incomparable and your heart is kind. But am afraid that continuing will only result to more intimate escapades prompting us to call it quits for now
    I have no doubt that soon you’ll get a good man for you or maybe God may do his wonders and rekindle our affair at the right time later.

Protected: LETTER TO ATTRACTION VICTIM

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When you think of a lens

Doesn’t a double edged sword hit you?

When the reflection shines

 

Does a magnification miss you?

Maybe disguised in a diminishing figure?

When you think of train

Don’t you see a two sided snail?

Struggling to be nowhere but everywhere

Never assuming its own patience

Maybe driven by a sense of false hope

 

When you think of a sword

Perhaps you imagine a two-flavoured fruit

Each fighting to outdo the other’s dominance

When you find yourself in a trench

Instead, you hop up and down

 

You, stand up comedian
Why do you want to kill?
Why do you want to commit murder?
Will you stand the hang man noose?
Stop cracking my ribs
I am pitying you

A wider handkerchief
You call it boob top
A longer one
You refer to it as ‘mini’ skirt
Uncomfortable ‘skin tights’
Hahahaha……hipsters
And those disproportional shorts
You call them…….ahahaha
Whom are you trying to impress?

It makes me laugh
When I see you
Exposing your fatty parts
Do you think wives have no fats?
Stoopy cleavage
Don’t they have breasts?
Mini…..No!, micro skirts
Don’t they have warm thighs?
Surely, stand up comedian
You’re talented

The other day, You
Almost choked me with laughter
When I had you chanting
‘I want to lead this nation’
I almost collapsed
When your adversaries said
She has a clean sheet record
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Placards drawn
As ‘beautiful’ as the president
Then I wondered
Is that real beauty
Phony perhaps, indecent
And trashy to some extent
Ha ha ha ha
You haven’t lost
Your sense of humour

Decency beautifies smartness, gains respect,
enhances style and portrays natural beauty

he never gets
before her bones crack
neither does he feel
lest her tears roll
and her painful cries
strengthens him
he neither bothers nor cares
whether ‘her’,
experiences the effect
but when she passes out
ideas ejaculates
and satisfaction comes

jake jacky joker was judy’s
judy’s jokes bordered jake’s lips
judy enjoyed occasional crunching
jacky bothered-less her flourish
but immense pleasure she gave him

judy treasured fate shping day
justifiably lived to the same old illusion
jacky jetted her lilife in style
jake needing no jack swept her from ground
jaded not by jake’s flimsy jokes
‘jaculation of life in judy’s jail
so pleased for pleasing him

just in time jake justified joshly
judy dreaded jake’s jokes sometimes
jacky jeered flagrantly her feelings
jollied by jetted abroad invitation
after all hers was a public figure

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